if I jump it'll be when I reach for the heights




When I was younger, I was absolutely enamoured with creating stories for myself. Not to be a writer, because back then I didn't consider this to be something I did for others, but as a personal escape. I grew up as an only child in a single-parent household. I was home alone a lot. I used to pretend that on my solitary walks, I would stumble upon a hidden entrance to a fairy kingdom through the old cemetery in our neighbourhood, and fall in love with a handsome, brooding knight. I would find lost keys and think about what doors they could open - maybe I could find my way to a place where they needed a little girl like me to help them find a lost dragon or rescue a princess. That was a wonderful place to exist, and my mum always made sure that I had enough stories to stimulate my imagination. Books were my whole world.

I can always tell how well I'm doing with my mental health by my response to stories. If I'm reading a lot, I'm doing well. If I want to write, I'm at my best.

I want to write, now. You can probably tell that already, just by reading this. There are many reasons for this but I want to share a particular one with you.

Very recently, I went on a holiday to Brisbane with my boyfriend and dearest friends. If you had told me in my day-dreaming, cemetery exploring days that I would have a boyfriend and dearest friends, and would go travelling with them, I wouldn't have believed you. That was not who I was. You'd think that given how different my situation is now to how it was during my best story-telling days, that I'd not be as inclined to write. There isn't a need to anymore.  But I've since discovered that the best way to do things isn't to need to do them, it's to want to do them. Happiness is a far better fuel for happiness than loneliness is, anyway.

Here is a picture from my trip to Brisbane. I love these people, and this place, with all of my heart.



Love, Shadi.

currently listening to: The Heights - Thomston (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkH8uIXx5Hw)
currently reading: Again, but Better by Christine Riccio

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